When can I be me?

 

When I was 5, playful and free,

I wondered if it was ok to be me?

But, I already learned before I was 3,

That I was merely an accessory.

Growing up, there were glimpses of me,

With my already splintered, identity,

A time to choose, who I am going to be,

Amid, confusing messages of conformity.

Then came the years of looking for love,

But, I already knew, I wasn't good enough,

Partners had ideas, of who I should be,

So I tried to adapt, and forgo being me.

Then, I was a Mother, and I wanted to be,

Everything, my children,needed from me,

Single, and struggling, to do my best,

Scrimping, and saving, and surviving on less.

My children are older, my mistakes well known,

Recited in multi colour, and full blown,

I am so far removed, from who I dreamed I might be,

I'm no longer sure, I even want to be me!

Now, in my 50's, I sometimes feel down,

And wonder, how much longer I will be around.

My body, keeps aching, constant pain in my knees,

Can I get permission, at last to be me?

I'm not being selfish, I truly believe,

That there is a reason, that God created me,

There is a spark inside, that keeps me striving on,

Longing for the day, when my Saviour says, " Well done."

Dawn Annette Montague

February 19 2026