Grace

Sometimes when I pray, I adopt the position of lying prostrate on the floor.

Sometimes I imagine that I am at the foot of the cross, laying my burdens down!
I have heard it said that this is a good place to start.
One cannot get any lower than this position of total defenceless humility and surrender.
When I returned to Jesus and the arms of my Father several years ago I poured my heart out to God from this position many times.
So strong was the conviction of my sin and my idolatry that it was often a long, very ugly, and snotty business, as this wreck blubbed her heart out on the floor!

But lately, whenever I go to assume this position,

 God says,

" Get up! " " Get off the floor! Come on! Get up! "

His voice speaks to me with a mixture of authority, warmth and humour. God is tender with me, like someone who knows me so well and yet can still see the funny side!

Just before Christmas I was feeling alone, which was understandable.
I am here in Albania away from friends and family.
I also wanted to trot out my old friend rejection and have a good bleat to God about how rejected I was!

The old, 

Nobody loves me, 

everybody hates me, 

might as well go and eat worms,

 lament!

So I got in to position on the floor, I was so super ready for a good old pity party!
then God said to me,

" You have been rejecting people ,all of your life! "

It stopped me in my tracks!
I stopped blubbing and the truth sank in to every part of my being.

 It was true!

I realised at once that I had been rejecting people all of my life!
I had rejected my mother,
I had rejected my Father,
My sisters,
My children,
Every boyfriend I ever had!

Everyone had been rejected by me at some point, when their behaviour didn't meet my ever changing criteria!

Or sometimes,

 I just did not think they were good enough!

I know I sound like a narcissistic nutcase! 

But alas it is true!

I feel particularly sorry for my poor ex boyfriends! They would often receive long lists of why they didn't measure up!

It dawned on me that I had rejected Christians and even whole churches!

And to my shame I had rejected God my Father and Jesus Christ my saviour!

I have been a serial rejector!

But our good and beautiful God wasn't rejecting me, He was correcting me with love and humour. It was as if we both laughed together!

God is gentle, but so oh so deep. 

He heals all the layers with one gentle word!

I have rejected others so much!
There is a very strong possibility that I have rejected others, more than I have ever been rejected myself.
The revelation shakes and shames me!

I know now, that I need to guard against rejecting others.

Rejecting their otherness or uniqueness.

 Rejecting them because they do not think or act the way that I do.

God delights in our uniqueness. He created us all different, with different gifts and talents.

Ephesians 4 v 7 says,

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.

I think about how I have blamed and judged others for not measuring up!

But then I think about the Father in the story of the prodigal son.

Luke 15 v 11 to 32

 Rejection is one of the deepest wounds that a heart can endure.

But grace goes deeper.

Grace is supernatural.

With supernatural grace the Father runs out to meet His beloved prodigal child, embracing him with overwhelming love and forgiveness.

Pure Grace.

In a demonstration of pure grace and forgiveness Jesus stretched out His arms on the cross.

Our great and beautiful God meets us with arms outstretched!

This is love, This is grace!