A New Spirituality or the Worlds Oldest Lie Part 3

Church!

Why would I want to go there?

I feel bad enough, already!

(What's so Amazing about Grace?)

Philip Yancey

This wasn't the first time, that this weary prodigal , had tried to 're enter the fold!

It always happened in the same way!

At first, I would bravely put on my best fake smiles, masking my pain and vulnerability, as I stood amongst a crowd of people I didn't know.

It took tremendous bravery, and all the strength I could muster, just to be there, smiling, 

Hoping I was home!

Hoping I would be accepted!

Hoping I would be welcomed, even valued!

Church was so often, like a country club, and I didn't have the right t -shirt!

When the weekly ritual of being snubbed, became too much, and the bitter disappointment, made it hard to maintain my smile,

 I left!

No one ever came after me!

As soon as I left the building, I was no longer their problem!

I heard somewhere, that if you only care about the members of your church, you are not running a church, but a business!

A few weeks after leaving the church in Seville, I bumped into the young girl whose disinterest, had hurt me so deeply.

I was too kind to say anything, I just smiled sweetly as she blamed the devil!

The devil had led me astray!

She walked away, and I guess, she just left him to it!!

So once again, in stunned confusion, I disappeared down the rabbit hole.

Immersing myself once again in the New Spirituality.

I went to work on myself, and I read more self help books.

 I began visualizing my very best life, asking the angels and the universe, for all that I desired.

I chanted mantras.

I made positive affirmations.

I went to Glastonbury and lost myself in crazy!

I visited goddess temples and sacred springs.

I joined in with pagan Beltane celebrations.

I began each day with yoga and guided meditations.

But guess what? 

Despite all of my love and light and positivity!

Despite all of my desires, drive and ambition!

Life was not getting any better!

In fact if anything, they were getting so much worse!

Relationships were breaking down, as things spiralled out of control.

With new eyes, I began to examine, those I wanted to emmulate. 

The Light Workers, Angelic Healers, Reiki Healers and every New Age Practitioner I had ever met.

I could see no evidence to suggest that their lives were great, blessed or enlightened!

No evidence, that they were connecting with their higher self. 

Most, were just trying to make ends meet!

Their lives, like mine, hit one disaster after another.

No one, was floating in a nirvana of bliss!

Life was a struggle and the responsibility of being your own god, is exhausting!

I mean, who can maintain enough positivity to keep the universe afloat!